...was being so close. Having so much to say and watching you walk away...
Oh Lordy, I have been putting off this posting because it still cuts me to the core this very day. It has seriously taken me about three to four days to type this out and hit 'publish.' Believe me, I don't wish to write this at all. But it's an integral part of recovery and I want you all to know, brain healing is SO important. The one who is recovering NEEDS a positive environment. I don't know how to really get that across any other way but typing it out and praying it hits home with you.
You've read the prior posts about my family wanting me to leave my family here that I have built and to go back to Michigan with them. You have also read that I met Jesus and one of the last looks I remember from Him was one of such care and concern. It was genuine and unlike anything I have received before on this earth. He told me to have faith. I have been leaning heavily on God. Especially in the deepest, darkest of times where it seems like I'm going to be stuck in a hole forever.
Shall I get on with this?
My doctor came in to see me and my husband was at my bedside, and we discussed my 'blurry vision.' Which hitting present day, I'm having surgery!! That will be a later post. Other than my vision, no new events to follow up on. Have I mentioned how much of a GENIUS my doctor is! He is a biomedical engineer, has worked for NASA, and is now a neurological doctor!
On this date, my husband and I also attended worship service at the chapel. PRAISE JESUS! See, even a traumatic brain injury can't keep me from God.
Once my husband left that morning, my family came in. I was so excited because two of my siblings were going to fly in to see me in a couple of days. I have learned later that this wouldn't have been their first visit, but it would have been my first visit that I remember. I was elated! My sibling wanted to facetime me, and we chatted for a little bit. Then a nuclear bomb got dropped on me and my soul was crushed. My sibling told me that they had canceled the two flights and didn't care that they lost money by doing so. They were not coming out to see me. Talk about a soul crushing experience! I thought that these people who loved their sister more than anything would want to come out to see her again! Especially after this sister ALMOST DIED. Let's not forget that part here, people!
Once I got off the phone with my sibling I was in tears. Then my father got up and started yelling at me. All because I want to be discharged with my HUSBAND and see all four of my boys! Crazy, right? After he practically screamed at me, he stormed out of my room. My stepmom and my mom said a few words to me and followed suit.
Not only did my sibling crush my soul but my parents crushed everything that was left of me! I don't think THIS was the positive environment the doctors stressed for me. I was left sobbing in my bed. Remember, I can't walk, or else I would have been pacing the halls crying my little heart out. I was stuck in my bed sobbing like a small child who lost their parents. Because well... I did...
See, I did NOT want to write about this experience AT ALL. I'm sitting here in tears as I type. BUT this is SO IMPORTANT to know. I don't think I can emphasize enough just how important this is. How someone who has gone through a similar experience NEEDS POSITIVITY. That is what your brain needs to heal, and I have had anything but positivity the last 16 months. Who knows how far along I would be in the healing process if I had that!
You know what I do have though. Amazing children and a great husband. I also have a wonderful church family and Pastor that leads me through scripture and asks questions that make me really think! It's been great on those fronts. I have God, too, you know and Jesus! Prayer time and Bible time with them daily has become a positive GOOD habit for me. I rest in His goodness during my days here on earth.
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