Before we get into the wide array of emotions this week, let me present you …
ATTICUS!!
Meet my NEW puppy; who is also my future service dog!
My TBI (traumatic brain injury) therapist has told me that I’ve experienced trauma with my brain injury and I am, unfortunately, experiencing MORE trauma on top of all that!!
One thing that has affected me, is being a part of a large crowd. I need to sit on the outside and try to get out BEFORE others disperse! My service dog, amongst other things, will be trained to soothe me when I feel overwhelmed or extra anxious by these situations. Right now I do the four square breathing technique. Which has helped keep me focused for the time being. But this dog will be trained in other aspects as well! I am SO excited!!!!!
My mother-in-love was curious about the name meaning. The very first thing that popped up on Google was a disability firm called, Atticus! See! It’s meant to be! He has been doing so well and he sleeps through MOST of the night cuddling with me!
Now, for the emotional rollercoaster…I mean, for me at least!
The other day I had back to back to back to back appointments! If I lost you, I had FOUR appointments in one day!
My first appointment was with my Oncologist, who is also a Hematologist! When I was in my ridiculously long coma, I had so many blood clots! They called it deep vein thrombosis. One of my blood clots was 3cm away from my jugular. The rest were all in my upper thighs. I STILL have countless pinpoint scars from where they had to filter the clots out. So, I have been seeing her to ween me off of my medication, to put me on baby aspirin, and then ween me off of baby aspirin. It has been over a year since I’ve been off of ALL medications for the clots and to prevent them and I haven’t had a clot! Doctors say I likely had them because I was in a coma and therefore, sedentary. Which makes a whole lot of sense! At the end of my appointment she announced that I’m good and I don’t have to see her again. One less doctor to see! I thanked her for taking care of me and wished her well.
Off to my therapies!!
First up is PT (physical therapy). She had asked me last time to ask my doctors if I could do more strenuous exercises. I asked my neurology team and two of my neurologists gave the all clear - as tolerated though!
My PT lady came and found me about 15 minutes BEFORE my appointment. I told her what my neurologists said and she gave her best “evil” grin and said, “perfect!” She asked if I wanted to start early and go for a walk with her. Of course! It was so nice outside, so we took the trails behind the building. There were some hills further back that matched the hill to get to my garden! So I climbed the hills and walked back down them at a safe angle and even tried side stepping to see if it felt better. We finished the trails and went back inside!
She smiled as she got out the agility ladder. I did so many exercises with that bad boy! I spent so long on the agility ladder, where she told me that I would likely need to take Tylenol because I’ll be so sore. She was absolutely correct! I told her we have an agility ladder at home, kid wanted one for Christmas, and I’ll be able to do those exercises at home!
She is wanting to build up the muscles in my thighs and calves and also strengthen my ankles. WHEN, not IF, but when I successfully build up the strength I will be able to walk with better balance and do things with more confidence.
I then did heel walks several times and then toe walks with the support of a walker. She said my balance isn’t the best NOW for toe walks without a walker and I need to use one at home!!
We did more stair exercises to work on strengthening my ankles and to work on my balance. Especially on my left side! I told her with my cerebellar stroke both hemispheres were damaged, but the right side was damaged more. That really made a lot of sense to her and is very helpful to know!
Are we done yet?
YES!
I went to speech and we worked so well together. She worked on stretches I do at home with a tongue depressor and then I read sentences she made up for me out loud. They were definitely challenging! Both emotionally and plus SPEAKING THEM! They contained letters I have the most problems with.
She then spoke out a handful of words for me to repeat back and we worked on inflection a little bit. She was pleased with how far I’ve progressed in the past two months. Plus I killed my goals!! Letters that were once nonexistent - I can say them!!!
She asked what more she could do for me in speech? Honestly, nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. She has helped me advance in every aspect. I am forever grateful for her! The ONLY issue now is my facial paralysis and super weak left side. I can’t purse my lips. I can’t even smile!!! Surgery is the only thing that can help me now. I’ve seen the Cleveland Clinic is amazing and the closest place to us! If I want to go to the #1 place in the country…UCLA medical center.
I mentioned to her that my confidence has definitely boosted. My grandmother told me that when I first started going to poker nights after my accident, I would only speak if someone else asked me a question. I would never start the conversation. But now, she said that I initiate conversation and she’s very happy with how far I’ve come in my recovery!
My therapist told me that as long as I keep doing exercises, my muscles will, slowly, keep getting stronger. She then graduated me but told me that she is always there for me. Especially when I need to talk. She is always there. And I trust that. Trust has been very hard for me. But I truly trust her and believe in her.
Last, but not least, OT (occupational therapy)! My therapist asked starting off how many of him I see. He then answered himself and said, “I know. You see two.”
“Actually”, I said, “I see one of you today!”
He looked flabbergasted, shook his head, looked at his watch and then back at me. I told him I took a nap before my appointments today. So we’re good! He was unbelievably excited for me that I only saw one of him. See, I start seeing double now when I get very tired. I told him what my surgeons said and am going to be having more surgeries in the future. But I’m progressing!!! On Monday, I am getting my new prism glasses and prism sunglasses! He stated that he didn’t know they could do prism sunglasses!!!
Warby Parker, my people. Absolutely amazing and for every pair of glasses they sell, they give a pair to someone in need.
We then did some eye exercises and tracking. He showed me how I need to practice tracking at home, which I’m doing, and my lateral eye movements are getting better! For driving, you need to be able to see 125 degrees to the sides. He told me that he has no doubt I can achieve this, and for the past two years I’ve had to physically move my head to see side to side, so that’s how I’ve adapted! He was very thrilled!
We tested my overall field of vision and my right side tested smaller because my eyelids are sewn shut; which he stated. We tested my depth perception and he scattered bean bags (small cornhole ones) around the room, gave me a bucket, and told me to pick them up. He stated I did so well! He noticed that I had more trouble squatting, which I explained my lovely PT session. He shook his head at my therapist and laughed. “Of course she did that!” He exclaimed!
I achieved ALL of my goals and passed all of the tests with flying colors. He then graduated me as well. He told me to keep working on increasing my strength and endurance in PT and everything else will fall in place. He stated that he can tell my positive support system and attitude has advanced me so well. He also told me my next step is to go to Woodrow Wilson to work on vocational therapy. Plus they have a driving simulator! So my next BIG goal is driving again, since I haven’t done that in two years, and to get ready for working again!!! I want so badly to do these things again.
My speech therapist came at the end of my session and told me how proud she is of me. I gave her the biggest hug. My OT guy also told me how proud he is of me and sees my improvements. He is astonished. He also gave me a big hug. They both wished me continued success and told me they are always there for me.
See my bittersweet endings in all of this?
I said goodbyes to the nicest, supportive, and encouraging people - but I said goodbye BECAUSE of my successes.
Here’s to my joyous journey and new beginnings!
“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:7 NIV
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