Have Faith, Daughter

I have mentioned that I almost died, right?

Surgery had to be performed, VATS, to remove the infection off of my lungs. They said I had a 50% chance of surviving it, but if they didn't do it, I wouldn't survive at all.

Let's not forget the brain swelling! They immediately had to go in and perform my noggin surgery and remove my top two skull pieces, so my brain had room to expand. If they didn't do this, my brain would have had nowhere to go, and I would've died.

Now let's talk about the strokes. The most significant one is the brainstem stroke. Only 3% of the world's population gets it. Of that, only 7% of people survive it. Of that, only 33% of people survive their first year.

I have been on my death bed!

I have endured so much with just my health. That's just a little snippet so you're not here all day! But I've also been through an emotional toil. Mostly with my family. My parents and my sisters...all turned their backs on me. Not even taking into consideration what Traumatic Brain Injury is and how to deal with someone who has suffered so much. My doctors have all said that my brain injury is the most severe case they have seen in years. Some doctors it was the most severe they have ever seen.

I do suffer from traumatic amnesia. So, my memories have faded. I don't even remember my wedding day! But I do remember little pockets here and there. The doctors have all said that little snippets of my memories may come to me here and there. But I have to be okay with the fact that my memories may never return. I need to learn how to be more graceful with myself.

As shown in the picture, that's me and my group of women who did Holy Yoga today at the Heart and Soul Fitness, taught by my awesome Christian friend, Dana. It was very peaceful, and about faith as we read from...I believe...Romans 5:1 is where it started.

Even though I have had to make some hard choices and create some really tough boundaries in order to heal POSITIVELY, I am reminded of Jesus and the many HEALTHY boundaries He had to set. As stated in Luke 5:15-16, Jesus would withdraw from the crowds of people so He could spend time with His Father and pray.

I need positivity in order to heal and to heal properly. I will be seeing a new counselor who specializes in TBI. Since my last counselor gave up all of my information without consulting me and greatly violated HIPAA, he has reassured me over and over again that he is my guard dog, and he will not allow that to happen. He would never betray me.

He will learn quickly that I have been betrayed a lot this past year. I have made it past a year of almost dying (it's a miracle!), and I haven't said a word about those statistics of me even surviving. I didn't want to. I didn't want others to show me the fake versions of themselves. I wanted the real and the raw and boy did I get it. Like I said, my memories are very small. So, I wanted all of these people to create new memories for me and most of them were not favorable at all.

My ask of you, can you pray for all of these people? Pray they will seek God and repent. I mean, at the end of the day He is our one true judge. An eternal judge is so much more important to me than an earthly judge. We will all have to answer to God for all of the things we have done on this earth. No one is perfect...except Jesus.

Speaking of that remarkable man. I was finally told what He said to me!!! His, I believe, last words to me were, "have faith, daughter."

It makes perfect sense for me to remember that now. Because if I woke up to machines and had that on my mind, I would be questioning this whole time what that meant! But now, I understand it more. I understand what He was saying. And His face...so beautiful... He looked at me with care and concern. Unlike anything I've ever seen or experienced on this earth. It was genuine. It was meant for me. I remember the concern on His face though. I remember that more than anything. I was looking into His blue-ish, green eyes and I felt at peace being there with Him.

I could go on. But I won't. If you ever have questions about my experience, I'm just a message away! I love you all.