Oh boy do I have a lot to share! So, sit down and get comfortable.
Read Romans 12: 17-21 first and remember NEVER repay evil for evil. Trust that God has you. Even if you’re not religious at all; think of the Bible merely as a book. If you happen to start believing halfway through it - then yay!!! But if all you do is read it and learn a few nuggets of wisdom here and there - I’ll take that too! God is working my loves.
Yesterday I had an amazing TBI counseling session. For those who don’t know - I basically have a new brain. It’s reconnecting and forming new habits. This is why the doctors stress positivity! Your brain is rewiring itself based on what you learn. Positivity is also great for healing in general. I often think how far I would be in the process if I had positivity all around. But I know God isn’t the one putting me through the trials. He is definitely guiding me and I’m learning so many new things as I go!
I have been told that my definition of something and someone else’s definition of that same word may mean two completely different things. I’ve learned to be careful and simply just share my story and answer questions. Because what happens to other people who are like me; we often get manipulated and others see us as an easy target to take advantage of.
This is why I say read Romans. I am NOT in the business of repaying evil for evil. I’m leaving it all to God on His glorious judgement day!
I have also learned a good technique to fall asleep or to fall back to sleep. I tried it last night and IT WORKS!
Breathe in deeply and as you release that air say 9. Do it again, but when you release this time say 8. Work your way down. I did not get past 4! That was the last number I remember!!
Now when we talk about taking advantage of those like me. I do refer to the sense that I don’t remember things. Now believe me, people have taken advantage of other things but maybe that’ll be later OR maybe I won’t even touch that subject!
But loss of memory…even though I don’t remember much. I still FEEL a certain way when I look at pictures or see someone in person. The feelings don’t go away, I’ve learned. I still have emotions! Even though my stroke face doesn’t show it (that’s me being funny and making light of the situation), it doesn’t mean I don’t feel anything!
All of this to say, if someone you love has been through so much. Be there for them. Don’t turn your back on them. And then when you’re there for them, continue to be there for them.
I will say I am lucky though. I have my husband. I have my church family. I have my husband's family. They all make me feel human again. Make me feel loved.
I have also turned to God daily. Some days I feel like Martha and get all demanding towards Him. Whether or not that actually works…God only knows.
I guess I started typing and pretty much forgot where I was going with this. But I ended it with God!
Oh, and caregivers… don’t run yourself crazy taking care of us. Remember self-compassion is NOT selfish!! You matter too. November is National Care-Giver Month to recognize those who take care of others. Especially around the clock! I can't imagine it to be a simple task. I appreciate you all and love you all! Those like me, truly do depend on you for certain things. But remember, self-compassion is not selfish!
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