I know, I know. Why do I want to talk about something that would be better off numbed or ignored? Well, you see, I can't numb my pain because alcohol affects the brain and would interrupt my healing process and I also can't talk about it because my counselor has violated HIPAA, so my trust levels are zip, zilch...NADA.
Whether you are feeling pain from a friend, family, or a relationship of any kind, just know that you need to experience and feel the pain in order to get through it.
I remember the first time the Walmart+ driver delivered groceries to my door; I cried so hard! You see, before my injury I would DRIVE and go grocery shopping just like any other person. But now, I can't drive. And this poor young kid wanted to bounce so fast, and he did! I guess I don't blame him now looking back. But with me being me, I would've at least asked the person if everything was okay.
The feeling of the pain is a lot like a warning light coming on the dashboard of our car. We see it, we can ignore it, turn the other way, think it's a glitch within the system. We can take it in and ask the guys/gals to turn off the light for us. But if they're good at what they do, they'll tell you what the problem is and not to ignore it! The warning light isn't trying to annoy you. It's trying to protect you. Pain is much the same way. It's the pain we finally feel that demands we address the problem going on.
I don't know what pain you are experiencing today. But I'm guessing whatever it is, it has some feelings of disappointment attached to it. You didn't think life could be this way. You didn't think they would be this way. You didn't think YOU would be this way. And you didn't think God would be this way. In this moment, you are probably expressing that your experience of life isn't matching your expectation of how you thought life would be.
In Romans 5:3-5 it states, "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us."
Let me take you back to a time where I was lying in bed at Sheltering Arms Institute. This is an in-patient rehab facility. The psychologist came in and told me and my family there, how important it was for me to receive nothing but positivity. I then FaceTimed a different family member and they said some harsh words and ended it that they canceled their airline ticket to come see me. So here I was, looking forward to seeing this person, and they canceled. That immediately made me cry. They didn't want to come see me. And with my family that WAS there, the one yelled at me, said some harsh words, and stormed out of the room. That was the last time I saw him. My other family members that were still left didn't yell at me, but they sided with him and followed suit.
The pain I felt consumed me. I was left there crying for hours. I couldn't even walk, so I couldn't get out of bed and go for a stroll down the hall. I saw myself desperately crying out for God, but I saw no evidence of Him there. I felt all of this pain and I could see what was being done to me, but I couldn't see God fixing it. There are a few things that affect me more than what my family did to me. But being disappointed by the fact that God doesn't seem to be showing up during times of my greatest need? That wrecks my soul. It's not that I expect God to fix everything about my situation, but I at least expect him to show up. Let me know that He is with me. God has been using this time to save me. To save me from trauma that I didn't know existed. He is a good, good Father. He sees what I don't and hears what I cannot. He has been guiding me.
My husband saw the first time I could finally walk again, and he hugged me tight. It was only five steps with a harness on that was connected to the ceiling, but after being told I might not make it, and if I did, then I would be not talking and not walking...to seeing me walk! It's an absolute miracle! God was there through it all and has cleaned up my life in such drastic ways. Jesus was the perfect boundary setter and I have had to make some tough boundaries in my time here.
When it comes to emotional pain, the truth had finally surfaced. And when it surfaced, it was so intense I couldn't ignore it any longer. I had to do something about it. I needed God's help. And God longs to help us. He longs to help us through the image of becoming more like Christ. He is our ultimate example of wrestling between divine faith and human feelings. So, the more we become more like Him, the more we learn to trust God, no matter what our human minds say.
Suffering makes us question God and His ability. As I laid in the hospital bed with tears flowing from my eyes, I definitely had those feelings of doubt. I definitely don't want suffering to be a part of God's plan for me EVER again. I don't want that feeling for any human. But here's the craziest thing. God doesn't want us to suffer...EVER! But He will allow it in doses to increase our trust. And what I've learned...I need to work on that trust! Our pain and suffering aren't to hurt us. It's to save us. To save us from a life where we are self-reliant, self-absorbed, and set up for the greatest pain of all...separation from God.
To trust God is to trust in His timing. To trust God is to trust in His way. God loves us too much to answer our prayers in the right time and answer them in the right way. This doesn't change the fact that I want all of this to go away. I want happy. I want normal. I want easy. However, God sees things I don't, and He knows things that I don't. Most of all He knows what would happen if I saw His full plan ahead. I would stop halfway and continue through happiness. If I could see the now, it would be too daunting, the enemy too frightening. No human is strong enough to see so much of God's plan in advance. It must be revealed daily, and we must be led through it slowly.
Jesus is the perfect one to show us the way, the truth, and the life. The one who understands just how hard daily life can be. Jesus came to share in our humanity. To suffer like we suffer. To feel what we feel. To hurt like we hurt. To be tempted like we are tempted. To defeat what we fear. To set us free from the curse of sin and death. Now don't miss this sentence. Read it and stop staring at the baffled doctors! I have something for you to turn to.
"Therefore, holy brothers and sisters, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus, whom we acknowledge as our apostle and high priest." Hebrews 3:1
This is to really fix our eyes on Him. To declare out loud what Jesus did. Not my will, but yours be done. To just stop trying to make sense of things that don't make sense at all in our journey. And to stop asking for the knowledge that is to heavy and burdensome for us to carry!
We don't have to know the plan to trust there is a plan. We don't have to see evidence of changes to trust that it won't always be this hard. We just have to close our eyes and turn our thoughts to Jesus. God doesn't want to be explained away. He wants to be invited in. Your crazy journey and disappointments aren't a way to turn away. They are the reason to turn a different way. A way few ever find.
Your life may be dark today. But make no mistake, there is a powerful work happening. Jesus is saying to us, "I will turn your pain into peace. Your heartache into honor. And it will be worth it."
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