At the very beginning of it all, I was at work and finishing up my shift. Just a normal, every night thing. (I worked overnights)
The next thing I know, I wake up being hooked up to machines to help me breathe, I was paralyzed, I couldn't speak, I couldn't eat, and...I WAS BALD!!
Picture below of my beautiful hair...
I was JUST with Jesus before I woke up. He did say, "have faith, daughter." But why on EARTH would he send me back here in this state? Was this some sort of cruel joke? WHAT DID I DO??
I sat there crying my eyes out. Not sure what was going on or how long I had been like this. Where was I? This certainly doesn't look like home.
Why did God do this to me?! He KNEW what He was sending me back to...
I was mortified, in distress, crying my eyes out, and I was angry.
My doctor rushed in to explain where I was and what had happened to me. He explained that positivity was crucial for my survival and for my brain healing. He was very calm and polite and had the best bedside manners! It eased me A LITTLE at least knowing why I was there. But God...why?
But God...
In the past two years since my accident, I have devoted every single day to God and to shine positivity. It is good for neuroplasticity (brain form new connections) for those who have had a traumatic brain injury! Whatever your religion is, your muse. Whatever makes you HAPPY and full of life...DO IT!
My muse is God. My wonderful, heavenly Father.
See, it took me two years (and I'm still learning), to learn that God is a permissible God. He Himself did NOT cause this trauma or inflict this harm. He gave permission for me to endure the trials that will only last in this life.
I have read the Bible once so far and am working on the second time. I really don't know if I've read it before, but I can't get enough of the truths!
I have dug deeper into the book of Job and the book of Daniel. They were both great men with amazing character and their hearts were devoted to God. Job endured many losses with Satan hoping he would turn from God and Daniel was thrown into a blazing furnace because he would not worship other Gods. Their stories were both a little long and took me a few reads to really capture it all; but spoiler alert, God saved them both in the end.
God is a GOOD God. He doesn't bring on the trials; He doesn't allow them to happen because He's bored and needs a good laugh. We must endure suffering here and there to become even closer with God. To truly turn to God and talk to Him as if He's sitting on the sofa next to us. He longs for us.
In the two years, so far, I have been demanding to God. I'll admit that...and then He shows me what I demand and I'm like..."ooooh.... oops! Sorry I questioned You!" I feel slightly guilty after, but that's my own human flaw. I know He doesn't show me what I ask to make me feel guilty. He shows me so I know where He is in all circumstances.
In two years, He has remained by my side and gave me the strength to relearn how to do everything again. I can walk, talk, and eat again! AND I can breathe on my own! I have graduated from all therapies with His help and steadfast love. I am now working on the last couple of chapters in my story of trauma and He is right by my side. Seriously folks, He will NEVER leave you.
I am now working with a facial reconstructive surgeon (all with God's help and guidance) and I started a nonprofit to promote positivity for those with brain injuries! To also get them connected to support groups in their area. There are some support groups that have a small fee to be a part of their group, so I want to be able to help with that fee for a bit if I can and with how many survivors I can! It's so important to be a part of a support group. There's so much more to my nonprofit, but this post has already been long enough!
My positivity stems from God. I truly can't get enough of Him and His word. I want to praise Him with everything that goes on. Even in the trials, I am praising my heavenly Father.
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